The "Good Friend" experiment

Okay, it wasn't really an experiment per se.... but it sounded way cooler than "I was thinking about this so I asked other people's opinions and gleaned info from them." See?

Either way, I've been slightly plagued by this "am I good friend, or not" thought process for a little while now. I've always seen myself as a bad friend, since I hardly EVER set up times to meet with other women, or try to do the little things that friends supposedly do. I don't spend any real amount of time on the phone talking out my problems, or listening to someone talk about theirs. I barely talk to my sister on the phone, so it's not like anyone should take this personally. When it comes to venting.. I usually vent at Jon (poor man) or if I need to vent about him (yeah right), I'll finally call my sister or my mom.

I also see my inability to invite people to my house as a bad friend trait... but I also feel like I'm saving EVERYONE the embarrassment of seeing how bad I am as house keeping. I'm not kidding, it's actually as bad as I think. Anyone who tries to tell me otherwise is clearly ignorant of the reality happening in my home. I haven't convinced myself this is now a "good friend" trait.. I just accept it as my one really horrific trait, and try to work on it.

Another bad one, is I dislike feeling pushed. It's happened a couple times that a person will joke with me like they'll make me do something I'm uncomfortable with (any number of reasons) and I'll shy away from the friendship. If this was you, I'm sorry.. I'm a freak. Few people can get away with this and still maintain closeness.. and they're all family.

So, those are my (really) bad traits.. but I like to think I have redeeming qualities. If you need something I can help with, I will try to meet that need. Need your car jumped? I'm your girl! Locked your keys in the car? I can try to pick that lock! Need a reference? Where do I sign?! (I actually forgot to mail the last one, but I TOTALLY filled it out) I'm quite loyal, and I am NOT a fan of drama. I love to talk, but I don't feel like I'm very good at conversation. I always walk away kicking myself for something you may not have even noticed. I'm generally kind, and feel like people should always be treated with God's love, but I'm also judgmental, even when I try not to be. Overall, I have more bad qualities than good.. and I am a MASSIVE work in progress.

In my little "experiment" I found a few overlapping qualities like loyalty, and listening, and time, and honesty. I know these are all the ultimate qualities, and can any one person have them all the time? To be truly honest, I'm afraid of the real time and energy a friendship would take. I've been through a lot with my best friend, and thinking of putting that much energy into a new relationship makes me tired. When it comes down to it, mommies don't HAVE the time to put into new relationships. They need them, but I think we need to find a way to have QUALITY time... but how? Loyalty should be easy enough, but it depends on how the other person views it. If someone can't be there for you.. are they disloyal, or just busy? Listening is also difficult, cause it needs to be two-way. I try my hardest to make sure I listen as much as I talk... but if you have a friend who sucks your energy with all negative talk... you'd be shy to listen to anyone else.

I like the responses, and I've concluded that God is the ONLY REAL good friend... but are we all trying? I figure I'm an okay friend... better for some, and not for others. I'm okay with that, cause I didn't take into account the plethora of different personalities. I love all my "peeps", even if I never get to see them, and in spite of myself I'd love to spend time with them... between my busy motherhood, and work, and my slight lean toward anti-social.. it just doesn't happen. I am a work in progress, and I imagine I will be till Christ calls me home... but aren't we all?

Thank you for all the responses.. they were interesting, and opened a whole new angle to the thought process. You're all amazing!

Comments

  1. I love you. I love your quirks, honesty and faithfulness. You've always been and will always be a true blue for me. I don't deserve such an amazing friend but God blessed me with you anyways because he is SO GOOD!

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